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The Big Noir


It was a dark and stormy night. I was looking forward to staying in my 2-bit apartment, reheating some leftovers and trying to find the bottom of an Old Crow bottle. It was a typical Thursday night in Denver.

That’s when she walked in. She was blonde, about 5’6” with legs that went all the way down to the floor and back up again. She looked at me with loveless eyes. “We’re going out tonight.”

Was that an invitation or a command. Hell, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be next to her. Like that dog you always tormented as a kid. No matter what you did to it, it had to be near you. Because bad attention was better than boredom. It wasn’t love, but what was?

Sure, where we going?” I said half heartedly, almost sarcastically.

“We’re going down to Bovine Metropolis Theater to watch ‘The Big Noir’. It’s a whole show that’s improvised and comes together at the end like a film noir movie from the 50’s. They’re doing it on Thursday nights starting February 23 at 7:30” she said as she painted her lips hot-rod red.

Thursday night? It didn't bother me, but it seemed risky, especially in Denver. “Why Thursday?"

She looked at me, sneered and said “Don’t tell me you’re afraid to go out on a school night?"

“I ain’t afraid of nothing.” I told her, but that wasn’t true. I had plenty of fears, like her leaving me and then me running out of bourbon.

“Let’s just go drinking.” I countered.

She wasn’t having any of it. “We go out drinking a lot, and when we do I end up watching you, watch sports on some TV. Tonight, I am going to have fun. I want to do something new. If you want to be with me tonight, and any night afterward, you can get your coat and hat and climb out of that chair and into my car.” She started out the door and then called back inside. “I’ll drive.” 
It was all made up: the improv, the show and her mind. I grabbed my coat and hat. I thought I would try to throw one last obstacle in front of this runaway train. I said “Parking downtown can be a bear.”  
I dropped it like a penny in a wishing well. Hoping that the parking “situation” would dissuade her enough to make my wish of another night at some random sports bar a reality.
But she read me like like an old Dick and Jane. “The Bovine has a deal with that huge parking lot, “16th Street Center Parking Garage”, it’s only three simoleones to park there.” 

As we were walking out to the car, almost resigned I said “Are these jokers any good?” 

She looked at me as if I was just fresh off the bus. “Any good?! Bovine Metropolis Theater is the first dedicated school and theater for improvisation in the Rocky Mountain region. They have taught more people to improvise then refused credit card transactions.”

I knew I was licked. I pulled out my phone. She saw me and tried to help. She said “If you’re calling them their phone number is 303-758-4722.” 

But I was a wise guy with a smart phone. I told her “No, I’m going to their website.” 

“It’s BovineMetropolis.com, but don’t worry, I already bought tickets online for $10 and saved a couple bucks on each ticket.” 

So there I was, not even driving, going to an improvised noir show, because it made her happy. Life wasn’t fair. At least I’ll have a few laughs. 


Tickets: $10 online*, $12 at the door, and $5 at door for College Students with valid ID (space permitting).

This show is for all ages and seats are general admission. Click HERE for frequently asked questions about shows and parking.
Click HERE to see the performer's schedule and who is playing in each show.
* There are no additional fees; online ticket sales and their associated discounts end 90 minutes before showtime the day of the performance.

Reserve Seats:

Choose show date:
Thursday, February 23, 2017 - 7:30pm